A Pakistani Television Talk Show on Israeli War On Gaza (Satire)

A Pakistani Television Talk Show on Israeli War On Gaza (Satire)

By Dr Hafiz Zohaib Haneef

The atmosphere was filled with apprehension, shrouded in a sombre silence and a sense of hopelessness. The plight of the Palestinians, not only dispossessed of their ancestral lands but also facing the worst oppression in the hands of Israel, had left many of us deeply saddened.

In an attempt to divert my thoughts from the distressing situation in Gaza, I switched on the TV and began channel surfing.

As I began to switch between channels, I stumbled upon a live television talk show that showcased four individuals, including the program’s host. The panel comprised a ‘media analyst,’ a ‘Facebook historian,’ a ‘film historian,’ and a Muslim cleric.

The program begins follows:

Host to media analyst: Israel has been bombarding Gaza killing thousands of innocent people most of them children and women. How long will this situation persist?

Media analyst: (with a slight smile) Well, the key point here is that Hamas should have refrained from initiating the conflict at this moment. Wars rarely lead to positive outcomes. Take a look at what Israel is currently doing in Gaza as a result. It would have been wiser for Hamas to have assessed the situation before launching an attack on Israel.

Host: However, wrongdoing is still wrongdoing!

Media analyst: As I mentioned, it was Hamas who initiated the attack. Now, they must face the consequences.

Host (turning to the Facebook Historian): Sir, do you concur with the viewpoints of the esteemed media analyst? From a historical perspective, it is asserted that Israelis sought refuge initially and then occupied the lands that were offered as a refuge by the Y. Is this not inherently unjust?

Facebook Historian: I had read a Facebook post which argued that the origins of this place were not originally linked to the Palestinians. If that’s the case, why do the Palestinians assert any rights over it? Additionally, someone also had shared a verse from the Holy Quran with me on WhatsApp which is translated as “It (land) has been given for you (the Israelis), Al-Ma’idah: 21.” (the Facebook referred to the verse out of context).  Now after having such multiple references, does anyone’s claim on this place not still appear unjust?

Host (after thinking for a while): Yes, indeed, this point does seem significant.

Facebook Historian: We need to acknowledge the fact that this place originally belong to Israeilis.

Host turning to Film Historian: Sir, considering your extensive knowledge of movies and dramas, have you ever come across a film depicting the kind of suffering Israel is inflicting upon the people of Gaza?

Film historian: I recall watching a renowned film titled ‘Kingdom of Heaven.’ In this film, there’s a scene where Jerusalem is conquered by the Muslims, and the Christian commander surrenders, saying, ‘I wish I could demolish these buildings made of stones. You are fighting for these stones. Numerous wars have been waged, and countless lives have been lost just for these stone structures.’

What the Christian Commander said suggests that the Muslims have not acted justly, and the current situation could be described as a ‘reaction to past actions.’ So, we, the Muslims should also reflect on it.

Host: Alright, given the ongoing relentless bombardment of innocent people in Gaza by Israel, what recommendations or suggestions do you have?

Film historian: Well, there is another renowned film that comes to mind…..

Host cutting the Film Historian: Sir! I will come to you. We have a respected religious scholar with us. Let me take his views on the issue.

Host (inquiring from the religious leader): Sir, how long do you anticipate this relentless bombardment by Israel will persist?

Cleric: Well, Israel represents an evil force, and evil prevails until it is eradicated. It is the duty of all Muslims to stand in solidarity and join with Palestinians to help liberate them from the oppression of these infidels. Don’t you remember what Hitler had done with them?

Host addressing the cleric: But, sir, can we justify Hitler’s actions in accordance with the teachings of the Sunnah of the Messenger of Allah?

Cleric: This is a matter we often overlook. The Jews have historically caused suffering to numerous prophets. Haven’t you studied the Quran? (the religious cleric asked with evident frustration).

There was silence after this statement of the religious cleric.  

Host: Respected cleric, should we contemplate the elimination of Israel? It is militarily a powerful country now!

Cleric: Answer of your question is in these verses from Iqbal’s poetry:

؎ تھے ہمیں ایک ترے معرکہ آراؤں میں

خشکیوں میں کبھی لڑتے، کبھی دریاؤں میں

دِیں اذانیں کبھی یورپ کے کلیساؤں میں

کبھی افریقہ کے تپتے ہوئے صحراؤں میں

شان آنکھوں میں نہ جچتی تھی جہاںداروں کی

کلِمہ پڑھتے تھے ہم چھاؤں میں تلواروں کی

Cleric (Clearing his throat): May Allah bring an end to infidels, Amen.

Host: Dear viewers, our program has come to its end for today. Insha’Allah, we’ll meet at the same time tomorrow. Until then, Allah Hafiz.

The program concluded.

Me: Listen, listen, Darling.

My wife: Yes, everything all right?

Me: Yes, everything is fine, but what’s on the menu for dinner tonight?

Wife: I haven’t prepared anything for tonight.

I responded: No problem at all. Let’s go out to McDonald’s.

The writer is a PhD in Islamiat and has been associated with education sector in multiple roles for the past fifteen years. He can be contacted on Facebook ID FB/zohaib.zaibi.77.

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